but, HAHAHA! This is my interweb space so I can do it all I want...no matter how redundant...

Okay, look, there are things that nobody tells you about the reality of having a newborn...or if they have, you just shrug and think "whatev's, no way dooooooooood...." But, the reality of it is...it's wayyyyy more intense than you could ever expect. It's also true that you'll forget how intense, which is why people even have more kids...but that's a different topic...

First, no matter how much you think you're prepared, have your shit in order, you're not. No really, you're not. I know people (who don't have kids, and btw, I used to be one of them...) who will say "Whatever, having a kid is easy. I don't have to change my life. I'll be doing the same thing, no matter what..."

AAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHHHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAH!!!!

Yeah...no. No, you won't. Not physically, not psychologically, not in any way.

The next biggest hurdle is the sleep deprivation. This is the one that I didn't think i'd have a probem with cos, you know, insomnia...but holy crap. HOLY. CRAP. Literally, it's like being wasted drunk. One night I woke up from a 15 minute power nap and grabbed the pillow and tried to feed it. Literally. Last night I woke up when the baby cried and I was in my own bed...and I asked myself "how did I get back in my bed? I thought I was downstairs...."

Before I had a kid, i'd never changed a diaper before. Now, I do nothing but change diapers. I'm a pro. I can do that in under a minute...including powdering/butt cream/etc...and it strangely doesn't gross me out.

The last change that I never expected is my personal-life priority shift. I don't have time or the inclination to give two-flying fucks whether I miss a party, what viewpoints/opinions/next-big-thing someone is yapping about, or even what shows/concert/hangout/bullshitting-session i'm missing out on. I'm not missing out on anything. Or rather, my priorities shifted so far over I only have time to care about what's really important, not what someone else thinks I should think is important. I only have room to care about the kid, my husband, my design work, and keeping my house from turning into a mess. Needless to say, kid and husband take up 99% of that right now.

Last, I thought the unsolicited advice was bad when I was pregnant...but it gets 1,000% worse when you have the kid. Everyone has an opinion. And BTW, 99% of them don't have kids. "Feed him this, don't feed him that, do this, do that," and on and on and onnnnnnn.....Look. I get it. One day you'll have kids and they'll be perfect. Absolutely. Go ahead and have them and prove your point(s). If you don't have them, STFU. Seriously. And if you DO have kids, congrats! I'm super glad that worked for you! Your kid is perfect, seriously. My kid hates that idea so i'm not gonna do it right now.

And, bottom line, BIGGEST CHANGE...you realize how much you can love. How easily your heart can break in two just from a cry, and how much room there is left in your heart to love the little dumpling even more. It's kinda overwhelming. This includes your spouse. I never realized how much I love/need/respect my husband. There's a different light in his eyes when he's with his son that, again, tugs the heartstrings a little bit tighter. Sappy? You betcha! True? Absolutely! And that's not even scratching the surface. If you can make it through the first two weeks, you can make it through anything. Seriously...]]> http://www.singlespeedstella.com/2009/10/baby_blabber.html http://www.singlespeedstella.com/2009/10/baby_blabber.html Awwwww! Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:23:21 -0800 Lately my husband and I have been getting all the projects we've put off done, and everything house related done so that we won't have projects looming when the kid arrives. We've painted the interior and exterior, gotten rid of a ton of clutter, and one of the things i've gotten totally obsessed with is how rad technology is for streamlining this process.

I have my Kindle2, which rocks-socks, and since I do website design, I no longer have to deal with the mess of paints, or canvas, or sketchbooks (some people get all bummed when I say this, but I mean it - i'm so done. Grad school was fun, but i'm dooooneeee.) and now i'm currently taking all my old photos and scanning, retouching and digitizing them. I swear I love not having these boxes of random crap lying around...there's something so...soothing...about clean, organized spaces.

I'm not even joking when I say, besides the obvious, (clothing and food) I'd be stoked with my MacBook, my iPhone, and my Kindle. Word.

STFU hippies

I can't think of one single thing that hippies approve of. Even the air is bad for me. If I followed every edict laid out, I would live in a mud hut in some remote village and eat only roots that I dug from the ground with my own hands. If I hear the word 'organic' one more time I will go bat-shit.

The human civilization has spent CENTURIES studying and learning and developing - and I, for one, really dig the fact that we have, oh, running water, toilets, hospitals, doctors, scientists, and have eradicated things like the plague, found vaccines for lots of other icky stuff, and have a plentiful supply of food, clothing, and MacBooks. So, no, I don't want to 'get back to nature' and stop wearing makeup, shaving my legs, and start hugging trees and paying a ton of money for 'organic' food. I like hot showers, shaving, cosmetics (thank you Sephora!), soap, perfume, and eyeliner. My womb-critter is pretty active, and from what i've been told, really, really healthy. I know this because, thank you science, I saw him on an ultrasound. I had my blood tested to make sure there was no funky genetic things or virus things floating around, and I have a network of doctors to call on if I have any questions or concerns. It's pretty great. I like knowing that when he's born a whole cadre of doctors, who have dedicated their lives to studying and knowing this stuff, will be there.

All i'm saying, really, is thanks for your kind concern. Your worldview is probably pretty awesome from the place you stand, and I bet you wake up everyday feeling just fantastic. And that's great. I'm really stoked that you're happy and healthy. (I totally am, no joke.) I'm gonna feel just fine when I touch up my roots to appease my vanity tonight, and i'm really going to enjoy my latte in the morning. When i'm working on my fancy MacBook at work, i'm gonna be stoked that I cleaned the desk with Lysol and there's air conditioning. Also, the kid has a fondness for cookies and Starbucks pastries. I'll feel pretty great about that, too.

A crib, toys, clothing...little pies of adorable-ness. I almost wanna complain, but really, no I dont!

(not gonna happen!)]]> http://www.singlespeedstella.com/2009/06/two_steps_forward.html http://www.singlespeedstella.com/2009/06/two_steps_forward.html Awwwww! Fri, 12 Jun 2009 14:43:52 -0800 ...is giving up swearing. Actually, giving up alcohol was easy, exercising, no problem, eating healthy = piece of cake! However, I decided that I have a bad habit of swearing like a sailor, and I don't want to be a foul mouthed mommy. Since swearing is simply a habit, and I know habits are easily broken, i've made it my goal to quit the cursing before the kid is born. Easy, right? NO!

It's almost like swearing is the last vestige of 'cool' I have left...I make sure to dress demurely and professionally at work and while out (keeping those darn tattoos covered can be tricky in the summer) and i'm subconciously trying to NOT give it up...

I have no idea if the insane vomitous vertigo was that extreme morning sickness, of just a fluke that I got sick right when I conceived, thus making the sickness part that much worse but yeah...I had to spend some time re-adjusting to my new status.

So, that's effectively put an end to jumping on the single-speed and cruising around late at night, drinking lots of beer, and getting up to lots of tomfoolery...but it's alright. In fact, now that i'm four months in and the bump is getting to be noticeable to more than just my eyes, i'm alright with that. That 'nesting' instinct they keep talking about...yeah, I found out that's true as well...i've been on a cleaning, organizing, and crazy-time getting-shit-together spree.

Yeah, I have all the panics "OMG, I don't make enough to raise a kid, omg, but LOVE my job, now I have to fit a kid into the mix, OMFG I don't know how to change a diaper!!!!!!!" kind of moments...but let's be realistic. It's not just me, my wonderful husband is half in charge of the kid, together we make enough money, our house has PLENTY of room, and there's two sets of grandparents chomping at the bit to kick us off to work and babysit. This baby will be well loved!

I'm seriously pissed that I've missed four consecutive days of work, (well, I worked from home when the medication wore off enough to open my eyes) and I feel terrible. I miss my cubicle, I miss the engineers, I miss the other designer, hell, I miss my boss. I really, really *heart* my job. This may be pathological.

My husband helped me walk the entire block to 7-11, which is the first time I left the house in FIVE DAYS, and we walked right by my workplace, and I was like, "ooooOOOoooooOOOohhh, my cube is right on the other side of that window!!!. I look forward to Mondays. My worst day at work is like my best day at any other job i've had. I'm not even joking. I wish they made company hoodies, because I would rock that everyday.

...i'm pretty protective of my little slice 'o work heaven...

People may say it's crazy, but I really have everything I want...and it all has to do with work.

This is the Gods honest truth...my job rocks!

I take the cue from
Certain people I know
I use the cue
And then I
Hand it on to you

And when I swing it
So, it catches his eye ...
(Weren't you there ?
- You'd have died !)

I trust the views of
Certain people I know
They look at Danger
And they
LAUGH THEIR HEADS OFF

I love the holidays, but i hate the noise factor. In general, I love love love quiet, peaceful, and calm. It's why i'll never live in a city and don't go to a lot of parties...it drives me nuts! The more people talking at once, and the more background noise (like TV's and radios and whatever) the more wound up I get. Even something as mundane as talking on a phone drives me nuts...

My husband is the opposite, he loves noise and excitement and parties and all that stuff...I guess we balance out that way. For Christmas, he's getting me a set of really good headphones to wear at work...i'm such a dork that I listen to ambient sounds, you know, so I can feel like i'm coding and/or designing in a rainforest. Because, yeah...that's where computer stuff gets done. The rainforest.

I hope Thanksgiving was amazing for everyone...we had a Turduchen, and truth be told, I was a bit disappointed. It's okay, because there were two turkeys in addition, and lots of pies!

I'm trying to catch up on homework i've not done, reading i've not done, and everything else I can think of that i've simply put aside out of laziness...right now i'm working on a Flash banner, and it's four days late. I have a brain fart with flash, it's not as fun as doing layout, and it's a little bit frustrating - so i've been ignoring it. I have a HUGE book on Flash, and i've read three pages of it. In actuality, Flash is NOT difficult, it just takes time, and i'm used to getting stuff done quickly. Even when I was painting, it would piss me off if it took more than a week to finish a painting. I was waffling between taking a Flash class or a JavaScript class next quarter, and i'm going with JavaScript. That will be frustrating too because there's a math element to it - but I think it will be more satisfying to conquer. We'll see.

ALSO, I buckled down and ordered high-speed internet. I'm such a miser that i've been depending on GoogleWiFi, which is another reason my homework is late all the time - shit only works late at night (like, 11 pm onwards) and really early in the morning (like 5 am to 7 am) all the hours which I am sleeping. I've had to rethink some of the things of which I had previously taken a hard stance with - for example, credit cards. For years, i've been proclaiming that credit cards are 'ze deevil' but then my debit card number got stolen, and fighting to get the cash back into my checking account was HELLACIOUS! Credit cards, no hassle. So now i'm a convert. Hooray for the credit cards!

Well, it's Friday, black Friday they say, so i'm going to try to get some of this work DONE!

What a bummer.

My cure for these let downs...just put on my headphones, pretend it doesn't exist, and just rock out!

Thank you, all who voted, thank you for proving that there is, indeed, hope for America!!!!!

I'm sure i'm not the only one, but I had to watch the elections with a crazy Republican in the room who did not stop with the snarky, sarcastic, crappy comments...sore loser!

This is an amazing thing for our country, and i'm looking forward to the changes to come!

Snark aside, GO VOTE!!!

please.

The day was then followed into the evening with a truly uninspiring party, a restless nights sleep, crappy pho the next day, and spending $60 at Target for a fat load of nothing-really.

To add petty bitching to my dubious re-emergence to the blogosphere...i'm fucking swamped with homework and work-work (the kind I get paid for) and at 8:15 on Sunday night...instead of doing any of it...i'm about to curl up in bed with a book and get down to some serious sleepage. Oh, no doubt, I will freak the hell out tomorrow when I realize how much shit I have to do...but I will get it done.

And with that, my friends, I bid you good night...i'm shutting the loverly Mac off for the night and letting my brain do some calisthenics on its' own...